Courage is in Short Supply
by Moggie
Summary: [COMPLETE][GSR] Mustering the courage to tell someone a secret you’ve been holding in for too long, only gets harder to tell the longer you wait.


COURAGE IS IN SHORT SUPPLY   
  
Rating: R  
  
Pairing G/S. Category: Angst and Romance Summary: Mustering the courage to tell someone a secret you've been holding in for too long, only gets harder to tell the longer you wait. Disclaimer: Although I would love to own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, I don't and never will. Notes:  
  
The room was lit with one lamp and light shone in through the living room doorway from the kitchen. Gil Grissom sat on one end of Sara Sidle's couch while she sat on the floor looking through a case file. They sat in her apartment talking about old times and old cases in San Francisco; she'd actually asked him for some help on a case file, but the conversation drifted at times. Grissom silently watched as she voiced her ideas for the case and ask some questions about certain pieces of evidence. Sara suddenly went quiet as she faked reading a report; her mind on other things. She realised Grissom was watching her, but didn't turn to him as she asked her question, changing the subject of the whole evening.  
  
"Remember when we first met at the seminar?" Sara placed the report down and picked up her glass of wine and took a sip.  
  
"Of course I do, I'll never forget." Grissom also drank some wine from his glass he held in his hand.  
  
"I was thinking about when you came to Harvard that summer." She took a deep breath and sat up a little leaning over the table to look at the c se file. "I remember all those times when we would go out to somewhere and just talk for hours." Grissom was quiet and she knew he was listening, but for some reason it was making it harder to talk. Sara tried to get it out, but with his interruption it only got harder.  
  
"Sara." Grissom put his glass down on the side table by the couch and shifted to sit forward a bit, resting his elbows and forearms on his knees.  
  
"No, Listen to me. I need to get this out and you know how I get if I'm interrupted." She still kept her back to him and placed her glass down after downing most of it.  
  
"I do." He nodded to her back and waited for her to continue.  
  
"I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time now and well." Sara looked down at her hands. "I." Before she could continue, her doorbell rang. Sighing with frustration she got up and answered it. One of the neighbours asked it they could borrow a touch for the basement. She went to her closet, found the torch and handed it to them. After watching them walk down the steps of the building she shut the door. She headed into the kitchen loosing all her courage to continue her confession.  
  
Grissom saw her walk towards the kitchen and got up to follow. He walked in to find her sat on the counter eating a yoghurt. He stood in the doorway and looked at her.  
  
Sara looked up, but looked back down at the pot and continued to eat. Grissom leaned against the doorframe. "What did you want to tell me Sara?" He asked softly.  
  
"It's ok, it was nothing." She said shaking her head placed the spoon in the sink beside her and tossed the pot into the open trashcan in the corner.  
  
Grissom sighed at her avoiding his question. "Sara, you where going to tell me something, something that sounded important."  
  
She stared at the floor. "It wasn't Griss, I forgot so.it couldn't have been that important." Sara jumped down of the counter and turned the coffee maker on. She stood there watching the light flash.  
  
"Sara look at me." Grissom ask realising she hadn't looked at him while she spoke. She stood there with her back to him holding the counter in front of her as she watched the coffee maker.  
  
"You want some coffee?" She asked reaching up to retrieve two cups from the cupboard to her right.  
  
"No." She jumped when she heard his voice so close.  
  
Grissom had moved to stand right behind her and reached up a hand to stop her from opening the cupboard with his hand above hers. Sara looked down and breathed out heavily. Before she could retract her hand Grissom covered it with his. He grasped it and pulled it down as he turned her to face him.  
  
As she turned he could see her eyes glazed and her cheeks red. She still didn't meet his eyes. Holding her small hand in his strong one he asked. "Sara?" She shook her head and he raised his other hand to her chin. She looked up and they locked eyes. A sob escaped her lips as single tear flowed down her face.  
  
"I'm sorry Grissom." She tried to push herself away, but he pulled her to his chest as he embraced her, his arms enveloping tightly around her light frame.  
  
"Hey, its ok." Sara started raising her arms, but stopped. She shook her head and pushed away and walked out the kitchen. Grissom noticed the hesitation, but was too slow to do anything about it when she pulled away.  
  
Sara was confused. She needed help with a case and she asked his for some help. He agreed, came over and brought some wine. They talked about cases past and present and a little about Harvard, but Sara wanted to tell him something, but she wasn't too sure how. She nearly told him, but then the doorbell rang and her courage disappeared. His persistence and close proximity was too much and for some reason she started to cry. It wasn't the first time she had cried in front of him, but he'd never done that before. He'd never held her, never.  
  
Grissom wasn't going to let her ignore him, so he followed her. She was packing away the file when he came through the door. "Thanks for your help Griss, I think I can handle it now." She said wiping the tear away quickly and put the file into her bag.  
  
Grissom nodded, but he wasn't going to leave until she told him what was wrong. "Sara you can talk to me you know that, don't you?" Grissom walked towards her and stood beside her as she closed her bag.  
  
Getting no response he gently placed his hand on her upper arm, she flinch, but didn't pull away this time. She turned to him and looked deep into his bright blue eyes. Maybe she could still tell him, braving it she tried a different tactic.  
  
"Why did you do that?"  
  
Grissom looked puzzled and questioned her question. "Why'd I do what?"  
  
"Why did you.hold me?" She kept her head up, but her eyes looked down.  
  
Grissom answered honestly, but at length. "I.you were.crying.so.I thought.you needed comforting..." Grissom didn't take his eyes of her face.  
  
"Why now?"  
  
"Sara, I don't understand."  
  
"Of course you don't you never do." Sara stepped back with a strangled laugh and bent down to pick up her glass and finished the contents before refilling it.  
  
Grissom didn't like her holding back things, not coming straight out with what she had to say. She only did that when she was uncomfortable and that's what she seemed to be, uncomfortable.  
  
He was beginning to become impatient. "Ok, I've obviously done something wrong, but I'm not sure what that thing is. Would you please, just tell me?" Grissom's voice was a little frustrated and deeper than normal.  
  
"I'd tell you, but you'd leave and forget about it the minute the door closed. So what's the point." Sara sat heavily on the couch bring her legs up under her.  
  
Sighing with defeat he sat next to her, a little closer than he intended and she jumped at the contact of his hand on her thigh, which he quick removed. "Sorry." He apologised, but why was she jumping when he touched her. He knew it wasn't exactly like the odd touch they had shared, by accident or intentionally, but she never jumped. "Sara, you're starting to scare me."  
  
"Why?" She didn't want to talk anymore in the fear of crying again.  
  
"Since the doorbell rang you've been avoided my questions, eye contact, jumped when ever I'm near you and just now you jumped when I accidentally touched you. This all occurred in less than ten minutes and I'm afraid I have no clue as to what I did wrong."  
  
"You didn't do anything Griss, that's the problem."  
  
"Maybe I should leave." Grissom pushed himself of the couch and walked towards the door. He turned back whilst putting his jacket on. She was looking at the coffee table, not really focusing on anything. He opened the front door and before going. "I'm trying Sara, I really am."  
  
Sara looked up at the door as it clicked shut with tears streaming down her cheeks. "DAMMIT!!!!" She shouted and disappeared to her room slamming the door hard with a huge thud echoing the apartment.  
  
Why couldn't she just say it, it was easy to say it when he wasn't in the same room, but telling him that he'd stolen her heart and had done since they first met was getting more difficult as time went by. It had already taken the length of their friendship.  
  
"I'm afraid of telling him." Sara cried into the phone.  
  
"I know sweetie, but if you don't you'll never forgive yourself. It nearly happened to your father and me, but he was the one who approached me after years of friendship."  
  
"Why is it so hard?" Sara picked up a tissue and wiped the tears away, but they still came.  
  
"Your afraid he doesn't feel the same." Sara's mother tried her best to reassure her daughter and get her to open up more and explain to this man how she feels.  
  
"Catherine, Nick and Warrick can see the connection we have, why can't he?" Tears soaked her blanket she was wrapped in.  
  
"If he's still the person I remember, closed off to many things and doesn't exactly let people in, then it must be difficult for him to express what he's feeling."  
  
"I guess so, its just.I can't just come out and say it can I? He'd run or worse he'd shut me out and I don't think I could live with that." Sara calmed herself down and drank some of her coffee, then re-wrapped herself on her couch.  
  
"I don't have all the answers honey, but my advice is to go and talk to him."  
  
Sara sighed knowing her mother was right. "I know mum, it's hard that's all."  
  
"I know.hold on minute your father want's to speak with you. I'll see you in a few weeks, I love you Sara and you can always call me."  
  
"Thanks mum and I love you too." Sara leaned her head on the arm of the couch and lay down. "Hey baby, you alright? Your mother says you've having man trouble." He said with amusement.  
  
Sara laughed. "Funny Dad, very funny and yeah, sort of."  
  
"Can I help? You know.being a man myself.I might be able to."  
  
Sara grinned at his playfulness at trying to cheer her up. "Maybe, I'm not sure."  
  
"Now I'm not an eavesdropper, but I heard your mother mention something about your old professor?"  
  
"Yeah. He's my boss now, remember?"  
  
"I know that, just making sure my ears still work and I'm not getting too old." Sara laughed and snuggled up to a cushion.  
  
"Dad, I don't now how much more I can take." She said seriously.  
  
"I'm with your mother on this one." There was silence on both ends for a few seconds.  
  
"God I need to hear that again." Sara heard her father crack with laughter.  
  
"Missed it huh? I could say it again, but it will probably be the last time you hear it.OUCH!"  
  
"Dad, that's been a long time coming." Sara said giggling knowing what just happened.  
  
"She didn't have to hit me so hard though." Sara could hear her father rubbing his head where his wife clipped him for being cheeky about her. Recovering he continued as though there was no interruption. "You need to tell him baby."  
  
A knocking sounded resonated into the room making Sara jump. "I gotta go dad, someone's at the door."  
  
"Ok Sweetheart. We all love you and we'll see you soon. Bye"  
  
"Don't worry. Love to all. Bye." Sara hung up and dragged the blanket over to the door with her. It went all quiet so she looked into the peephole and saw Grissom walking down the hall towards the stairs with his head down and his hands in his pockets. She quickly opened the door and shout out his name. "GRISSOM."  
  
Grissom turned and started to walk back towards her. He came to stop in front of her and looked up at her. "Hey."  
  
Sara pulled the blanket tighter around her. "Hey. You ok?"  
  
"Yeah.erm.no not really." He said shaking his head.  
  
Sara looked at him with concern. "Why? What's wrong?"  
  
"I was wondering if I could talk to you about yesterday." Grissom looked back at the floor and shifted from one foot to the other.  
  
Sara moved aside to let him in. "Sure, come in." She wasn't sure if she could do this, but was going to try anyway.  
  
She led him into the living room where she quickly dropped the blanket on the couch and cleared the table of the box of tissues and threw away the used tissues. Grissom watched as she cleaned, but wondered why there were so many tissues, was she sick?  
  
"Sara are you sick or something." He asked softly with concern.  
  
Sara picked up the blanket again and tried to wrap it around her. She dropped it and tried again, it was going to drop again when Grissom walked to her and pulled it over her shoulders, his fingers grazing her neck.  
  
He was standing so close to her and still held the blanket in his hands. The air became charged as he pulled to blanket more onto her, bringing her a little closer so that there was less than an inch between them.  
  
Grissom reached up and brushed a strand of hair off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. Letting his hand drift slowly down her neck to her shoulder as they stared at each other. Grissom let the blanket go and it fell to the ground, but neither mover nor noticed it fell. His hand came up to caress her cheek, his thumb stroking the soft skin. Both their hearts were beating so fast as their breathing became heavy.  
  
Sara closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. One of her hands covered his and the other rested on his side clutching at the sweater he was wearing. Grissom leaned forward slowly closing his eyes as he captured her lips with his in a tender kiss.  
  
His hand on her shoulder slid down to her waist and held her to him. She pulled at his sweater bringing him closer deepening the kiss. Breaking the kiss in need of air he kissed her softly down her chin to her neck as she held him to her, burying her face in his neck. She inhaled his sent as she explored his back with her hands.  
  
Grissom slowed his hunger for her and placed a kiss below her ear making her shiver. He grinned at the sensitive spot he'd found and teased it with his tongue causing Sara to moan at the sensation. He pulled back to kiss her slowly, passionately.  
  
Sara broke the kiss as she smiled against his mouth.  
  
"What?" He managed to say as he pulled back to look at her.  
  
"I was just thinking." Sara ran her hand over his curls and down his neck causing him to close his eyes.  
  
"About?" Grissom held her close wrapping his arms around her waist.  
  
"You." Sara brushed her fingers over his lips.  
  
"And?" He kissed her fingers as he gazed into her eyes.  
  
Taking a deep breath she plunged in. "I love you.I always have..." She looked at his lips as she spoke then down at her feet as he let her go. "It's ok, you don't need to say anything, I've just needed to tell you before I lost the courage again." Sara took another step away from him and sat on the couch.  
  
Grissom picked up the blanket and draped it across her as he sat next to her. He turned to face her as he tried to explain a few things. "Sara, I was.I mean." He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "This was so much easy talking to myself." He grinned as Sara looked up. He took her hand in both his. "You wanted to tell me something yesterday?"  
  
Sara nodded. "I lost my nerve."  
  
"You wanted to tell me, you loved me?" Sara nodded again.  
  
"I've tried so many times over the years, but I suppose.I was waiting for you to."  
  
"To show you if I felt the same way?" Grissom traced her palm with his finger.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sorry." Grissom shook his head dismissing her apology.  
  
"I should have said something, we've been friends too long to lie to each other and that's what I've been doing." Grissom shifted in his seat as he sat on his leg to see her face to face. "I tried to ignore it, but the small touches, glances, reading each others minds before we've said anything.It's been hard..."  
  
"Griss what are you trying to tell me? I've told you how I feel about you." Sara stopped his hands from moving and trapped them in hers. He looked at her, his blue eyes twinkling and a large smile played his lips, Sara smiled back at the rarity.  
  
"What I'm trying to tell you is, that.I.I love you too." He leaned into her and kissed her deeply, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek. Sara wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with the same force.  
THE END 


End file.
